Growing up with an older brother to provide me with some insights of the male species rendered quite useful growing up as a woman, as well as reading a few books (though I won’t openly admit this in person). I can say I’ve made a lot of smart (and not so smart) choices when it came down to my love life throughout my years. In retrospect, these experiences are what taught me what it is I truly want in a man. So to answer the pressing question at hand; what is it that makes a man irresistible? Dear reader, allow me to walk you through my journey of what 20 years of love and lust taught me.
It’s important to analyze the overall situation prior to making any bold moves with a man, which is why I’ve narrowed it down to 3 qualities that help me determine if this man is Mr. Right-for-me material, or if I’m just wasting my time with Mr. Wrong and setting myself up for disappointment -which no woman wants to do to herself.
Are you willing to compromise the way you envision your life to be?
Ask yourself, “is this someone I can grow with?” and “can I see myself living with him years down the road?” If you answered no, it goes without saying you shouldn’t waste your time on it. If you answered yes then ask yourself, “what do I aspire to accomplish in the near future?” For instance, do you envision yourself living with a big family with lots of children, or a small family with no kids and maybe a pet?
Now ask yourself if you are willing to negotiate the outcome of the future goals you were thinking of. Communication is vital in relationships, if you refuse to settle for anything less than what you deserve, that’s perfectly fine! You’re a confident woman who stands her ground and knows what she wants. Before you decide to pour your heart out to your potential partner I want you ladies to ask yourself, “does he have the same goals/aspirations as me?” And if they slightly differ, then is he (and you) willing to compromise so you can come to a fair agreement?
If you answered no to the two questions -or at least no to the last one, this is when you should take a step back and re-evaluate the situation as a whole. If you know you and your partner are not willing to negotiate your future goals, there’s a very high chance the relationship won’t progress into a healthy one years down the road. Disappointment and a broken heart is not something anyone wants to set themselves up for.
If the answer to both of those questions are yes, then I would say 100% go for it! Playing it safe is important, but you need to know when to take a chance and ease yourself into meeting new men. Remember ladies, not every man out there is solely fixated on getting you to sleep in bed with him!
The Big 3
Let me break this down into 3 key qualities a man should have to make it nearly impossible for me to not be attracted to him.
Intelligence is sexy. A man who prioritizes his education and makes time for his studies is attractive because it proves to show he cares to become successful in the future, and is working towards accomplishing a goal. You don’t need to be a natural born genius, but you need to make an effort. Being intelligent isn’t all about academics smart, knowing about things happening around the world and staying up to date will score you just as many points!
Hearing a man giving a presentation or speech in public and doing it like a champ is a major turn on. They can entice people with their intellect and throw facts and information out there that impress people (ladies especially). When a guy knows his stuff, it’s a pleasure hearing him talk. Makes you wonder what else that mouth is capable of doi… -I’ll save this talk for another time…
Now let me get this straight, no you do not need to wear a fitted dress shirt and a blazer everyday (though you get MAJOR points for doing so). Dressing professionally is sexy, it seems like common sense but I find a lot of men underestimate how good they look when they pick wearing something classier over a Supreme sweater and the latest Jordan’s to match.
Looking the part is one thing, but it doesn’t mean much if you can’t act like a gentleman. Being a gentleman means holding the door open to let the lady walk in first, stepping aside so she can board the bus first or opening the car door and then closing it after she’s seated. I’m getting slightly turned on as I write this thinking of all the times men have done minor gestures like this for me as sad as that may sound, this is something men completely overlook nowadays and don’t realize how attractive it is to a woman when they do trivial acts like this. Regardless of whether she’s your girl or not fellas, I highly recommend you do this.
Now let’s move to a touchier gentleman-like quality; offering to pay. Now before you internally call me out for being a gold digger (which I know one of you pricks just did) please please please take my word on this. Now, offering to pay doesn’t necessarily mean you must buy it for her, because about 90% of the time the girl will say no, (if she says yes then I’m sorry to break it to you but she’s not that into you bro). I can recall times when a man has offered to pay for me over small things like an Iced-Cappuccino from Tim Hortons (for the record I’m addicted to those over the top sugar loaded bastards), and dear lord I can assure you I was very much turned on. Whenever a man has offered to pay for my food, movie ticket or anything in general I would always respectively decline his offer, but never did it go un-appreciated or overlooked. I want to stress again that it’s the little things that matter, and make the biggest difference.
“Why is it that the nice boys never win and the bad boys always do?” -A question asked so very often by the male species.
Here’s my best guess. You nice boys lack the key thing these arrogant bad boys have -confidence. Women are attracted to confidence without even realizing it. I think I speak for both genders when I say no one wants a partner who has zero confidence in themselves. Listen loves, you don’t have to have the ideal figure, perfect facial features, the clearest skin, or luscious locks in order to be confident. No one is perfect; this is something we’ve been told for years and tell ourselves over time, and yet we are still so quick to become judgmental of our own flaws and degrade ourselves because of them.
I believe if someone is truly unhappy with something about themselves, they should feel free to change it without being scrutinized by society for not being able to “accept themselves for who they are”. But for those who find perfection within their “imperfections” (and I say imperfections based on what media has portrayed to be perfect) then kudos to them! Learning to embrace yourself and fall in love with every aspect of yourself has a greater meaning, which far exceeds the term “beautiful.”
Being confident is a major turn on. Try not to constantly put yourself down over everything, tell yourself that it’s okay! Thinking positive and acting positive will bring forth great results. Not only will you start to eventually feel better about yourself, but others will be able to feel it off you too!